Slumbering beasts

One of the many perks of working from home is seeing what our furry family members do during the day.

 

Do they run around the house?

Do they play together?

Do they act all crazy?

 

Not even close. They sleep. All. Day. Long.

 

 

What a life.

Sunday morning

As I lay in bed, Jay leaves for his softball game every Sunday morning. The usual words are said – have fun good luck play safe see you soon love you.

And then it’s quiet. I stay in bed with a book, my iPhone, my DS and a couple of furry animals. This morning, just one joined me. He sleeps beside me; squished together on half of the king- sized bed. The other half remains empty, as if he’s reserving it for his daddy.

Today, like most Sundays, will go on like this. Quiet and still with no plans to do anything. Everything is spontaneous. Maybe a walk or bake something. An afternoon nap or watch a DVD. A bubble bath or read on the deck.

I love my solitary Sundays.

sleeping milkshake - book

Unclaimed baggage

[freewrite]

I never learn. I should’ve just left things alone. I had to open things up best left unopened. It makes me wonder why I do things like that. I dredge things up that should be neatly packed away and forgotten. It’s like I went into the basement and found some old luggage. Neglected. Forlorn. I forget, you see. I forget what’s in there. Why did I put it away? Why can’t I remember what was in there? Why is it in the dark corner? Of course, I open it. Then all the forgotten memories are in there. Pain, regret, sorrow, anger, disappointment etc etc. His rejection. My retaliation. Attempted reconciliation. Moving on. Not really moving on. The back and forth of emotional dancing. I put it away for a reason. Why did I forget? So now it’s open. It’s time to deal with it. AGAIN. Sifting through memories. Figuring out the whys and hows. Realizing that closure isn’t always possible. That closure is what you decide is enough. He can’t give you those answers. No answer is ever good enough. Right enough. It’s never ENOUGH. Years ago, I said enough. No more. Bye bye. Packed this shit away and locked it up. Buried it deep into the dark corners of my mind and my heart. It’s not that there’s anything there. I have moved on. But I can’t lie and say it’s not painful. That when faced with it, with him, with that, my heart doesn’t feel and my mind doesn’t recoil. I’ve come to grips with all that. He was my past. There will always be a “what if”. But “what if” is the devil. That reasoning doesn’t take you anywhere. I lied. It takes you to your own personal torment. Fun times. Ramble ramble ramble. What a way to start writing again. Bottom line – I opened something up. I can close it again. I’ve claimed my baggage. And it’s time to put it away. For good.

Tears and laughter

“Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.”

Truvy – Steel Magnolias

—-

Life is so heavy these days – emotionally, physically and mentally. I was hoping for a true summer – filled with frivolity. Rather, it’s been draining and, at times, quite morose. To be sure, there is laughter and light-heartedness. But they are short and fleeting, quickly replaced by worries.

—-

I need a break. I hope the next time I’m in tears, it’s from laughing too much.

Travel

tulum, mexico

“Traveling is a brutality. It forces you to trust strangers and to lose sight of all that familiar comfort of home and friends. You are constantly off balance. Nothing is yours except the essential things – air, sleep, dreams, the sea, the sky – all things tending towards the eternal or what we imagine of it.”

- Cesare Pavese

—-

I need to travel.

Anyone want to fund it?